Funny quotes i found

"I did not hit you...I just high fived your face."



"A friend would lend you her umbrella, a best friend would steal yours and yell RUNBITCHRUN!"



"If you were gas in my butt, I would never fart for fear of losing you, because your the shit."



"I just want you to know that if a jellyfish ever stung you, I would pee on you."



"It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces."



"When you call us bitches, we look at each other and crack up laughing because we knew that WAYYYYY before you did."



"Good friends don't let you do stupid things...alone."



"Celebrities walk on the red carpet because they are famous. My friends and I walk on toilet paper because we are the Shit."



"Your birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory."



"There is a report of a drunk and a naked person riding a big wheel on main street. Do you need me to come and get you again."



"MENtal anxiety, MENtal breakdowns, MENstrual cramps, MENopause. Have you ever noticed how all our problems start with MEN?"



"If you think I'm screwed up...You should meet the rest of my family."



"I'm prolly the coolest dork you'll ever meet."



"I wish my lawn was EMO, then it would cut itself."



"Some people are like slinkies, they are really good for nothing. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."



"Don't make me go all crazy white girl on you."



"SHHHH...I'm hiding form the stupid people. AW shit I guess you found me."



"Dear Santa, can I have the numbers of the boys on the naughty list?"



"SHORT!Less likely to die in a lightning storm."



I have dis...dislock...dislec. I CANT SPELL!"



"I've built a wall not to keep people out. But to see who loves me enough to climb over it."



"People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was."



"You think I'm a bitch. You should meet my mom."



"Lord give me the strength to accept fucktards I cannot change."



"Don't make someone a priority in your life if your just an option in there's."

"The worst way to miss someone is when they are standing rite next to you and you know you can't have them."

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have."

"Just because he is good at lying..doesnt mean you should fall for his bullshit."

"Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought...useless and disapointing."

"Move on. Its a chapter in the past. But dont just close the book, just turn the page."

"Some say holding on is what makes you strong.But sometimes it takes much more strength to just let it go and move on."

"I want to feel your touch on my skin. I want to hear your voice whisper in my ear. I want you to hurt like i have been hurting. I wish fairytales were true because you would have saved my heart not broken it in 2."

"Got a problem with me?solve it.Think IM tripping?tie my shoes.Cant stand me?sit back down.Cant face me?turn around."

"Love at first sight is often cured by taking a second look."

"Your the only reason I'm still singing but when that last song comes your the last note anyone will ever hear...your that unforgetable."

"So many things I want to say...i cant lie or ill laugh but when i tell the truth you walk away."

"I wanted you then I want you now and if I dont love you in the future...You'll know you either fucked up big time or I walked into way to many poles...for your sake you better hope its the poles because Im not worth losing."